But that is only an opinion, but probably its a shared opinion by people like myself and your boyfriend alike. But then we get into the same child-like defences that we had at a much younger age. The texting started the same week we had the big fight about the letter I wrote and was pretty frequent - like they may have had sex 10 times. Do you wish that you had grown up with a higher quality education and that you could be one of those fancy people with a yacht and a country club membership? I never know when this topic will come in and blow up a lovely evening or weekend. Anonymous, you summed up how I feel very eloquently about the whole issue of my gf's sexual past. You are well aware of the fact that your partner is not a virgin. The woman has to soak up the strain for the immature man-child.
My other advice would be to distance yourself from hearing about your girlfriend with your ex- trust me, curiosity killed the cat. But I've done far worse things. The condition of retroactive jealousy is not as powerful as you think. I get that if he could stop doing this himself, he would. But then there are times when I feel the exact opposite.
Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! This kind of insecurity is known as retroactive jealousy and is experienced when you have jealous thoughts or feelings caused by people or events of the past. A male reader, , writes 11 September 2008 : I tend to agree with Waz on this issue. Let me make this even weirder for you. Some are tall, others are small, some are smart others less smart, some sensitive and others tough. This is just something that she might have to go through, especially if your boyfriend was the one who kicked her to the curb. Again, our childhood can be at the heart of our resentment, says Cadalen.
When we run into someone he dated, which is frequently this is a small town sometimes , he always tells me about the guy's history. By Dave Singleton ear Dave, My boyfriend of six months and I are both in our thirties and fairly social. And we can look at the challenging aspects of being with them in one of two ways—we can be frustrated, wishing we could have the good without the bad. Realize that both her and all of the other people that participated in her sexual past have most likely gotten well past it and the only reason that it perpetuates is you. Indeed, there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself--if you're not approaching it with a self-destructive mindset. And women can often be guilty of oversharing, whether their boyfriend has asked them about their past or not. He constantly interjected stories about their past and it was uncomfortable and disrespectful.
The problem is the fact i have had sex with 3 other guys and kissed many, while the only person he has done anything with is me. For all my boyfriend's sexual past, ok, so he didn't have that threesome but he has slept with groupies when he was in a band erck, i have slept with a lot of people, the same amount of him but i have never had a one night stand! A reader, anonymous, writes 26 December 2008 : I agree with your boyfriend. However, if you want to get to the bottom of your jealousy and improve the way you feel about her, you will have to face this sooner or later. I have learned far, far more about relationships, communication, masculine and feminine polarity, empathy from woman compared to men. For example, you may be honest, caring, generous and musically inclined. This exercise helps you get clear in your mind exactly what thought patterns need eradicating. So the problem is that he is very jealous about my past.
This is where you have to be careful. It would mean she knows what she wants, what she doesn't want and ultimately it means her decision to be with me is grounded and assured. But were things really different with pesticides and all the other stuff 20 years ago. Generally I lie about my sexual past because men are so stupid and think that women should be little white gloved virgins until they just happen to meet their prince charming. As a man who deals with the same problem as your bf, and whos story is remarkably close to your bf's I know all too well what the pain is like.
Discuss your feelings with your boyfriend and determine what will make you feel more secure. Your mission should be not being the best out there at any costs but making the most out of what you have, and being the best person that you can be considering all the circumstances of your life, and all your great qualities as well as limitations. The past is a series of stepping stones towards the present. Im sure you realize that, but do you acknowledge it? The older I get, the more I realize how important it is to be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want. I would like to begin by saying we men can be real jerks at times.
I have struggled with this issue for months, and have tried hard to come to terms with it. If you have too, talk to a councilor, one who deals in relationship issues. Or, more realistically, we can accept that there is a bad occasionally challenging element that comes as a result of their good qualities. Attractive people tend to attract other attractive people. I'm 21 i'm a college football player somewhat attractive, and I always have confidence and thought of myself as being very secure in who I was. When he calls me that I usually just tell him to leave me alone until hes calmed down. Had good marriage for 13 years w 4 good kids-husband screwed her and she split.
Obsessing over his past is not going to make you feel good about yourself or your relationship. If he didn't want me - even after everything I've done - he wouldn't be with me. When he brings up someone he dated, it makes me jealous. One was a 3 year relationship, and the other a one night stand. I have told him that it's fine to tell me the truth about these men. Even if he was a little bit attracted to this guy - so what? So i told her I that before her I was a virgin and I had messed around with 7 girls, no big deal, I treated women with respect and passed on many opportunities. I am so angry with him for taking away from me the happines we had.