Hey Fearless, I know that when I felt the need to throw in a witty dig, it was a combination of many factors. Strangely, I got an email from him late today asking about the equipment he needed. A practical way to forgive ourselves is to talk to ourselves like we would talk to a friend who confessed a similar story. Everything was great for me — all my needs were met as and when I felt like it — you were a wonderful on-tap distraction, great fun to be with and the sex was great; we could have gone on like that for years but you had to spoil it by shifting the goal posts, by deciding you had needs and expectations of your own and dumping them on my doorstep. Trusting someone means that they'll keep your secrets, but also that they will make changes instead of just making empty promises, and that you can count on them to be around when you need them.
Thought I replied to you, Tea, but it seems to have disappeared! It's no easy thing to end a serious relationship, and there is a lot of healing and learning that needs to be done when that relationship is abusive and unhealthy. If he is not seeking professional help, despite you encouraging and being there for him, then maybe you need to put yourself first and look after you. Not a day goes by that I don't ask him how he is or if he is okay. Draw a picture of your whole life and put a sun in it. If he's never had a job in 10 or 20 years, he must have a serious problem.
We talk every single night and have been for about a month now. I sent him back that the equipment he needed would be set up for him. Two e-mails yesterday amidst the flurry of work related ones which I responded to. He's not doing anything, but it sounds like you're not doing anything, either. You sabotage both experiences and , and you have difficulty creating more positive ways of managing situations.
Take care of yourself and do what you need to do to heal. Why is it so easy to forget such a simple concept? You write with so much passion, wit, unsparing candour and you listen with so much empathy. I will no longer accept any type of shady behavior from anyone! You are inspiring others who are watching you go through this experience. I always check on him to make sure he is okay he has depression and when he has bad nights I make sure to visit him to make sure he doesn't hurt himself. I was at the bottom of my own list of priorities.
He must have been your model for both those articles, and more. I still have made the effort to fly and go see him at least every two months, and i feel so happy in those few days we get together, but when we're apart, he's distant in more ways than one and i feel so alone. Kudos to you for asserting your boundaries so clearly, for upholding graciousness. I have tried everything in my power to make sure I am being a good girlfriend. I have some great strategies from my therapist to deal with the family narcissists. This is not your sentence to a secondhand life. Is it a good enough offer for you? Do you really like them as a friend? Your brutal frankness makes me giggle because it is so true! I have no idea what the future holds but it does show me that sex is not the way to keep a guy, quite the opposite.
You need to be fostering all the qualities you say you hope to find in a man, in yourself. If the man you love says that, believe it…because he believes it. It might not have to do with conversation per se, but there should be something with the right person that isn't there with the wrong people. It brought me back to this post. And while I don't have any concrete solutions to ease our pain, I can say that in this community discussion, we learn, share and expose our deepest struggles.
Why does he say he doesn't even try to get a job? If you don't like the first one, see another one for a free visit. He has triggers around being rejected. What a great thing to see when I opened my email. You deserve better than being treated like hooker or a gigolo. Let me tell you from personal experience and the observation of thousands of readers over the past six years — waiting around is degrading.
Sometimes we have had a real trauma - maybe a situation that we believed that we behaved in a way that we deserved slighting which needs our own self compassion and self forgiveness. Thank you for listening, responding, and guiding me as I healed, raged, and sounded stupid. I can say in all honesty I am seeing differently now. Ah yes — women will always think this statement coming from a guy is a lie. I had no plans for Thanksgiving except to get through it. I cook for me now sometimes, light the fire, and the candles.