So try as they might Democrats could not win because their majority was simply too thin Then across every state there rose such a clatter, the whole Senate rushed out to see what was the matter. Their eyes how they twinkled, their smiles were so bright, Just like their stars that now light up our night; Shattered lives, futures changed, a puzzle incomplete, The meaning of life. They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub, Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub. Not the most engaging topic, I know, but when you think about it, I-80 runs all the way across the North American continent linking San Francisco and New York. His suit was all smelly with perfume galore, He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore. No candy or sweets …they were bad for the tooth. Take a moment out now, don't get overly riled, Instead make an angel in snow with your child.
So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on her title was Ms. A sock in his ear and a bra on his head. Do you need to modernize Twas The Night Before Christmas? When out on the lawn, I heard such a clatter, I got off my sister to see what was the matter. He spoke not a word, but threw up on my slippers. And out on the lawn but what should appear but a rusty ol' sleigh, and 8 fucking reindeer. Nicholas would bring new software.
The Inns were full of travelers you know And a young couple was searching for someplace to go. Additionaly, I list the title of poem and the year that it is first known to have appeared in print or on the internet. Then chuckling aloud, seeming very contento, He turned like a flash and was gone like the viento. The stockings were hung by the modem with care In hope that St. The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E. The ancient dream: a cold, clear night made brilliant by a glorious star, the smell of incense, shepherds and wise men falling to their knees in adoration of the sweet baby, the incarnation of perfect love.
Saint Nick in a sleigh and a big red sombrero Came dashing along like a crazy bombero. He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk. With a little sly smile, and the face of a hick, I knew in a moment it must be her new boyfriend, Rick! When out on the doorstep, I heard my ex-wife's patter, And I sprang from my recliner, to see if she'd gotten even fatter. I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee. He went straight to his work without saying a word And filled all the folders of this happy nerd.
I found out later it was the alcoholic one called Rudy. Out of the sleigh jumped a big, fat dick. Joseph was searching, walking up roads and down; Our Lady was waiting, so meek and so mild, While Joseph was seeking a place for the Child. Away to the window, I made a mad dash, Flew open the shutters and fell on my ass. Hudsy was nestled all snug in Mom's bed, vain visions of puberty danced inhis head. The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin before we attached the last rod and last pin. Last year you drank all my bourbon, smoked all my pot, hash and opium, hoovered all my snow, did up my speed, and ate all my acid! The light of His face made me cover my head, it was Jesus returning, just like He said.
A funny collection of Twas The Night Before Christmas parodies Dirty Night Before Christmas 1 Posted to rec. He walked to the kitchen, himself poured a drink, Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink. Here, more importance is emphasized on expressing the significance of Christmas, birth of Christ, how Jesus uplifted mankind and so on. We laughed, we talked and he told me his troubles About a lawsuit, an affair and a chimp named Bubbles. I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick. A bra without nipples, a penis extension.
With a fat little driver, half out of his sled, A sock in his ear, and a bra on his head. Slide on the seats, and staple the stair! Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans, Went into the kitchen and started to clean. He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead, Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead. With a twitch of his nose, and a quick little wink, All things electronic soon went on the blink. His cheeks were rose colored and the nose was like a cherry! Here's several versions to pick from.
I thought I had better take the keys to the sleigh. They pull on my nose, they grab at my beard, And if I don't smile, the parents think I'm weird. Vina was in her chic Paree digs, wondering why all men are such pigs. And then, I heard one of those deer tinkling on my goddamn roof I'd like to pick off each one of those beasts owned by that pooft As I reached for my gun, and was turning around Splat! With a little old driver, so lively and quick, I knew in a moment it must be St Nick. A wink of his eye, and a twist of his head, soon gave me to know a new feeling of dread. I encourage you to keep your marriage and your sexual intimacy a priority, even as your schedule can feel crowded and your days short.